I went to yoga this morning. I went to church on Palm Sunday. I sat next to a Baptist minister on the plane and talked to him for two hours. The Bhagavad Gita sits next to my bed. I have read both the Tao De Ching and the Tao of Pooh. I wrote a paper in high school about whether the beat generation was as Buddhist as they laid claim to be. I went to an astrologer one year ago today. And Anne Lamott's "Grace Eventually" sits next to my bed.
I am enraptured with those who believe, trust, and have faith in something larger than themselves. I am so intrigued and jealous mostly, of those who have something secure to grab onto and wonder, again and again, how they got to that place. It seems to have a lot to do with vulnerability--about opening yourself up to something and letting go. It is an act of giving over. But how do you choose which one to give over to? Can you really be open to all of it and truly experience the kind of faith, enlightenment, or trust that is offered to you?
I am not sure. All I know is that yoga was hard today. I couldn't get to a higher place for even one second. I couldn't sink into that darker, quieter part of my brain and reach any point of peace. It was wild and crazy in there and I wondered if maybe yoga wasn't my path. Maybe back to church this Sunday. Maybe I need an astrology appointment.
Choice in spirituality. Its a fairly new thing. Something I think our generation is blessed with. But do we ultimately have to choose something? Or can we continue to choose nothing?
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